A lot has happened since I last blogged. It went for the better, then the worst and now the best :)
I guess it is true that sometimes we must go through challenges before we are rewarded.
Earlier this week I had to experience something so challenging; and I never expected to be where I am right now because of it. Yes it was a hard decision to make, that I am rethinking, but I know that I did the right thing for now I am consumed in Him. He spoke to me earlier this week and made me realize what I really was called to Him for, and now I find myself really happy. Yet sad also because I know that someone out there is hurting.
He has always been with me, he doesn't walk in front for me to follow, he doesn't walk behind me so that I can find my path, he walks beside me so that I know that he is with me through everything. I found something really magical this week/weekend. I found the spark in a friendship that I lost a long time ago.. That friend brought me to Him and made me feel welcomed no matter what. She stood by me and helped me through everything.. and I've only repayed her by losing her trust and not being there for her.. Now I am and now it feels like more, because I know we have a relationship with God.
I have changed this past week.. but I have changed for the good and am choosing to serve..
Have Faith in everything you do, trust that his plan will bring you to Him. In the end I can say that I love my bestfriend.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Monday, December 29, 2008
Learned-To-NGAF
I've heard it from my mom more than enough times in my life...
"You can't always be the nice guy!"
She should've phrased it, "You shouldn't always be the nice guy!" Which would've made better sense because always being the nice guy would mean, always opening myself up to getting hurt. Heh! Who would've thought right? Well anyways, the past couple of weeks have been a major BLUR to me, not knowing what the hell to do, and not knowing where I'd end up. So I recently gave in to my emotions and started TRYING again. This time, for real. Not holding back anything, not leaving. BUT! It seems I should've just stayed how I was doing. Cause fuck, I can't talk to no nobody about this shit! I obviously can't talk to her about it, cause she doesn't want to talk to me about anything, go figure? I can't talk to my "best friend" about it cause fuck, he's talking to her about it. AND the most fucked up thing about it is... They talk ABOUT me, without talking TO me! Hahahaha that shit, is just fucking with my brain right now.. Instead of talking to me about things, they talk to other people about me. Instead of talking to me about a problem their having with me, they talk to others about my problem. Someone plesase tell me, If the problem is with me, how is it going to get solved if they don't talk to me, or tell me? Cause that shit is just fucking retarded... Done with this!
"You can't always be the nice guy!"
She should've phrased it, "You shouldn't always be the nice guy!" Which would've made better sense because always being the nice guy would mean, always opening myself up to getting hurt. Heh! Who would've thought right? Well anyways, the past couple of weeks have been a major BLUR to me, not knowing what the hell to do, and not knowing where I'd end up. So I recently gave in to my emotions and started TRYING again. This time, for real. Not holding back anything, not leaving. BUT! It seems I should've just stayed how I was doing. Cause fuck, I can't talk to no nobody about this shit! I obviously can't talk to her about it, cause she doesn't want to talk to me about anything, go figure? I can't talk to my "best friend" about it cause fuck, he's talking to her about it. AND the most fucked up thing about it is... They talk ABOUT me, without talking TO me! Hahahaha that shit, is just fucking with my brain right now.. Instead of talking to me about things, they talk to other people about me. Instead of talking to me about a problem their having with me, they talk to others about my problem. Someone plesase tell me, If the problem is with me, how is it going to get solved if they don't talk to me, or tell me? Cause that shit is just fucking retarded... Done with this!
Sunday, December 28, 2008
Family-Feud
"The world would be PERFECT, if you left me the fuck alone!"
6 MONTHS EARLIER
Out of fear and excitement, my dog Ciri turned my family inside-out.
I can't blame my dog, because of 3 things that I'm absolutely positive.
1. I love my dog to DEATH.
2. It wasn't his fault.
And 3. IT WAS THAT BITCH'S FAULT!
So, fast-forwarding 6 months and giving the shortened version in order for me to get on with my blog. We were given an ultimatum, we chose the dog. Moved out, people talk. More people talk. Family splits.
I had finally come to terms with how everything was ending up. My Mom and Dad weren't ever going to go back to the house in Aiea. The house where, every sunday of my life I have gone and had dinners with everyone on my Dad's side of the family. I kind of got used to the fact that we weren't going to go. Until Christmas...
The other night I went to my grandma's house in Aiea, and on the way there I had to pick up my cousins that flew in from California. I wasn't expecting to get the feeling that I got that night. So we got to my Grandma's house and we greeted everyone like normal, and it wasn't feeling weird. Everything felt good. It felt like it always did. Then dinner prayer... the old family traddition of the youngests praying. One of my cousins said that she was thankful for everyone being there and for having everyone around. It wouldn't have felt bad, if 1. My dad was there. 2. Her dad was there. And 3. Our dads were there.
The rest of the night was BLAH BLAH BLAH, all the individual families were in their own sections of the living room. And My dad and uncle weren't there. So it was just us Kids that represented our families. It felt like our families had been outcasted. Like "the sins of the fathers, need to be carried by their kids." I felt really bad for my grandma because she wanted us all to be there, but there wasn't anything we could do. Ha... some Christmas.
Earlier tonight at my Uncle's house, my Granny, my dad, and my uncle got into a huge arguement. My granny trying to be the peace bringer of the family, as religious as she is.. has the ability to bring out the devil in everyone.. and tonight, she chose the wrong the targets. My Dad & Uncle + Beer x being pissed off = LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE! I know my Granny is trying to do good for the family, but I feel more my dad and uncle.. Now they're completely hating the family right now.. and it really sucks because my dad them don't deserve everything that's going on. They have their own families and things with everyone is getting out of hand and I really want things to settle down... but I can't do much.. I'm only so small in this huge family feud... I wonder what the New Year is going to bring....
6 MONTHS EARLIER
Out of fear and excitement, my dog Ciri turned my family inside-out.
I can't blame my dog, because of 3 things that I'm absolutely positive.
1. I love my dog to DEATH.
2. It wasn't his fault.
And 3. IT WAS THAT BITCH'S FAULT!
So, fast-forwarding 6 months and giving the shortened version in order for me to get on with my blog. We were given an ultimatum, we chose the dog. Moved out, people talk. More people talk. Family splits.
I had finally come to terms with how everything was ending up. My Mom and Dad weren't ever going to go back to the house in Aiea. The house where, every sunday of my life I have gone and had dinners with everyone on my Dad's side of the family. I kind of got used to the fact that we weren't going to go. Until Christmas...
The other night I went to my grandma's house in Aiea, and on the way there I had to pick up my cousins that flew in from California. I wasn't expecting to get the feeling that I got that night. So we got to my Grandma's house and we greeted everyone like normal, and it wasn't feeling weird. Everything felt good. It felt like it always did. Then dinner prayer... the old family traddition of the youngests praying. One of my cousins said that she was thankful for everyone being there and for having everyone around. It wouldn't have felt bad, if 1. My dad was there. 2. Her dad was there. And 3. Our dads were there.
The rest of the night was BLAH BLAH BLAH, all the individual families were in their own sections of the living room. And My dad and uncle weren't there. So it was just us Kids that represented our families. It felt like our families had been outcasted. Like "the sins of the fathers, need to be carried by their kids." I felt really bad for my grandma because she wanted us all to be there, but there wasn't anything we could do. Ha... some Christmas.
Earlier tonight at my Uncle's house, my Granny, my dad, and my uncle got into a huge arguement. My granny trying to be the peace bringer of the family, as religious as she is.. has the ability to bring out the devil in everyone.. and tonight, she chose the wrong the targets. My Dad & Uncle + Beer x being pissed off = LET'S GET READY TO RUMBLE! I know my Granny is trying to do good for the family, but I feel more my dad and uncle.. Now they're completely hating the family right now.. and it really sucks because my dad them don't deserve everything that's going on. They have their own families and things with everyone is getting out of hand and I really want things to settle down... but I can't do much.. I'm only so small in this huge family feud... I wonder what the New Year is going to bring....
Thursday, December 25, 2008
Not-So-Christmasy- Feeling!
So everyone's been posting bulletins, blogs, comments, msgs, txts, blah blah blah about not feeling that "Christmas Spirti." And until just now, I've been doing the same.. I felt like this year's Christmas was going to suck, because I didn't see my name under the tree, and because everything just didn't seem to feel like Christmas. Until I realized...
For me, Christmas didn't feel like Christmas because my Christmas seems to have been year round. Everyday I wake up, and get the chance to see all of my friends, who I love and care for. Like I txted all my friends (or well all the people on my phonebook) you're all my gifts, and it took only one text tonight to realize that. I can't feel the Christmas feeling, because I can't be any more happier than I already am.
It may not be the same for those of you reading, but think about it.. Think about the friends you have, think about the memories you created this past year, and think about all the memories you still have to create. If materialistic things have more value in your life then that, then I really feel sorry for you.. but to me, I'd give up all of my gifts to spend an entire day with my friends.. and create a memory that I won't forget..
If you can't feel that Christmas feeling, then make it. It doesn't have to be Christmas to have that feeling, it doens't take presents to make you feel happy. It shouldn't be the reason you're happy! Christmas comes once a year, just because you can't feel that "feeling" for one day of the year, doesn't mean you're year has been a bad one. Merry Christmas everyone! I love you!
For me, Christmas didn't feel like Christmas because my Christmas seems to have been year round. Everyday I wake up, and get the chance to see all of my friends, who I love and care for. Like I txted all my friends (or well all the people on my phonebook) you're all my gifts, and it took only one text tonight to realize that. I can't feel the Christmas feeling, because I can't be any more happier than I already am.
It may not be the same for those of you reading, but think about it.. Think about the friends you have, think about the memories you created this past year, and think about all the memories you still have to create. If materialistic things have more value in your life then that, then I really feel sorry for you.. but to me, I'd give up all of my gifts to spend an entire day with my friends.. and create a memory that I won't forget..
If you can't feel that Christmas feeling, then make it. It doesn't have to be Christmas to have that feeling, it doens't take presents to make you feel happy. It shouldn't be the reason you're happy! Christmas comes once a year, just because you can't feel that "feeling" for one day of the year, doesn't mean you're year has been a bad one. Merry Christmas everyone! I love you!
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